


If you stay, I would even wait all night

by Peanutsfan1



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: (Server joke), Anko Family (Hetalia), Childhood Best Friends to Lovers, DenNor but they are in their late forties, Ice is his son, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Minor ships of HongIce and SuFin, Nor is a single dad, We need more older queers, We stan aph pip pip and aph sunshine, You'll understand if you read XD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanutsfan1/pseuds/Peanutsfan1
Summary: (Title based off of a lyric from the MCR song 'Summertime' which I feel suits this fanfic!)Things were simpler when Lukas was little. All he had to worry about was what imaginary game he'd play next with his best friend, Mathias.Now things are different. Difficult. Lukas has to deal with bills, the stress of being a single father to a seventeen year old boy and the nervousness that follows finally figuring out your sexuality in your late forties.On top of all that, Mathias hasn't spoken to him in 30 years.So he makes a decision: a week long holiday to his hometown, accompanied by his son and cat, in an attempt to rediscover his roots.
Relationships: Denmark/Norway (Hetalia)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	1. Longing for the past

Lukas

When I was younger, I didn’t have a care in the world. There was no room for fears or worrying about what the future holds, they were pushed away to make room for imaginary games. My best friend Mathias and I would run, jump, dance, creating a new world each and every day, making it our home, away from everything and everyone.

Those times were simple. Easy. Carefree and stress-free.

But it was all just a temporary happiness. When you are young, your parents have to take care of everything for you. They make sure your life is carefree and stress-free. You don’t have to worry about food, clothes, safety (well, that depended on your circumstances I guess, but it’s true for the most part). That is, until you get to being an adult.

Nowadays, what do I have to worry about? Well, not imaginary games that’s for sure. I shouldn’t complain, it’s just life, but I long for those simpler easy times, trying to erase the past thirty years from my brain. Even if I were to go back to when I was eighteen, I’d still be able to erase many of the mistakes I made. Especially that one big mistake.

Ugh, I’m making myself unnecessarily sad again. It’s bad habit that I need to break.

Tearing my eyes off of the wall, I turn my attention to my cat, stretched out on the floor, relaxed. Must be nice to be a cat. He glances up at me then gets up off the floor and jumps onto my lap, anxious for attention, like he always is (though only with people he’s completely comfortable with). God, he’s such an attention whore. But I stroke Pip Pip nonetheless because even if he’s an attention whore, he’s my attention whore, and he’s a sweet one too. 

“How are you?” I ask to no one in particular, maybe Pip Pip but he can’t respond to that. All he does is purr, snuggling up against me (something I always take satisfaction in)(Pip Pip pretty much hates most people, reminds me of myself actually). I turn my attention back to my book (what I should have been doing instead of staring at a wall), adjusting my glasses which had begun to slip down my nose. Right… where was I…?

*

Pip Pip gets bored after a while and leaves me, going off in search of God knows what. Maybe an animal, like a mouse or a bird, or maybe to wreak havoc around the house. Usually, I just let him do his thing and deal with whatever fallout there is later.

I’m getting nothing done, my mind not able to focus on the book, so I decide to go for a walk. It’s a pleasant day out so I leave my umbrella where it is and don’t put on a coat. Don’t need one. It is summer after all.

I stroll through the park, observing all the young couples on dates, seeing how in love they are. It’s cute, it really is. Just a normal day really. Nothing unusual.

Until I spot someone I know. And I find out something I really shouldn’t know about just yet.

My son. Kissing a guy. Pulling away and grinning at him. Then kissing him once more.

Oh shit. Fuck. How do I handle this? Pretend I saw nothing and let him come out to me when he’s ready? Go over there and tell him that everything’s ok and I love him? I don’t know what to do. Fuck. I don’t even know what to do with my own sexuality crisis, let alone how to handle my son’s. Ok, deep breaths Lukas, you can do this.

I’m about to settle for the first and let him tell me when he’s ready, when he makes direct eye contact with me and freezes. His entire body tenses, like a deer caught in the headlights, fear consuming his entire being. 

Oh my God, what kind of a father am I if my own son is terrified about me seeing him kissing another guy? Fuck. We didn’t have any conversations about this. He has no idea about my stance with this sort of thing. Well, I guess he can find that out now.

I stride over, watching his eyes widen. The guy he’s with turns, noticing me, picking up why his boyfriend has stopped in his tracks. “Hey,” I greet them, trying to keep a steady expression, one of calmness. Don’t want to seem angry, after all. Not that I’m angry, I just don’t want to give him the wrong impression and make things worse. “H- Hey…” He squeaks, looking down at the grass, refusing to make eye contact. He knows I saw him. And he’s so so scared. Poor kid.

I hate that I’ve made him scared. I should have had a conversation with him, at any point in his life. Just one would have sufficed. Fucking hell, Lukas.

“I’m not mad,” I begin, my tone light. Pulling him into a hug, I continue, “I love you, ok? And I’m sorry that I never had a conversation with you about this, explaining that it’s ok to like men.” His arms wrap around me, digging his head into my shoulder. Clinging onto me for dear life. There’s silence until he’s able to mumble out, “Thanks, Dad.”

After that’s over, we say goodbye to his boyfriend and head home to discuss things further. “So… you like men?” I flop onto the sofa, cup of coffee in hand. Emil looks at me, fiddling with his fingers, a nervous habit of his, “Yeah… well, I’m asexual homoromantic so I guess, sort of?” Ok. Never heard of that before but I keep an open mind. He continues, filling me in with what he means, “Basically I don’t experience sexual attraction of any kind. So,” He squirms since the topic of sex is never really a comfortable one to have with your parents, “I never want to, you know, do that. But, um, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to date anyone, as you can see.”

“Huh, I didn’t know about that one before. That’s cool though.” Ugh, this is hard to word. ‘That’s cool’? Really self? That’s what you say? “Does- Does your boyfriend know about this? Make sure he respects your boundaries, ok?” Ok. That’s better, heading in a closer direction.

“Leon knows and he’s cool with it, don’t worry.” Ah, so the boyfriend has a name now. Leon. Cool. Remember that. ‘Leon’ is Emil’s boyfriend.

 **“** You’re really ok with me liking guys?” He glances up from stroking Pip Pip’s white fur (who has made his way onto Emil’s lap)(we’re the only two people he likes). “Well, it’d be kinda stupid if I didn’t as I’ve sort of been questioning my sexuality for the past five years.” Yep. Been questioning for five years hasn’t been fun. Especially since I’m in my late forties and I should really have the stuff figured out by now. But yeah, I am 95% percent sure I’m bi but there’s still that nagging feeling, that tiny voice that goes ‘but what if you’re just straight?’. No. We’ve been over this, tiny voice. I’m bi.

“Really?” He places Pip Pip down on the floor, who mews in annoyance (See? Attention whore) and sits next to me, one hand placed on my shoulder. “I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual. Well, 95 percent sure but yeah.” We exchange hugs again, me placing my mug down on the coffee table. Hugging is not something that’s normal for us nowadays since Em’s a teenager and that’s not something most teens do. But it’s nice, comforting. Reminds me of when he was little and used to practically hang off of me he hugged me that much.

It’s getting awkward. No words are being spoken and the silence is deafening. I know Emil’s ok with my sexuality, and I am with his, but neither of us are sure what we discuss next. He’s too similar to me for his own good, sometimes. I have raised him singlehandedly since he was five so that’s probably how that happened. So sorry kid.

Say something, Lukas. Say anything. Well, actually, don’t say anything weird. But say something. You’ve got to break this silence. Say something!

“We’ve got to have your boyfriend round for dinner one day,” I pull out of the hug and smirk, “Then I can show him how cute you were when you were little.” Perfect icebreaker. I love teasing Emil, just as much as he loves teasing me. “Oh my God, do not, and I repeat, do not show him my baby pictures. No. Please to God, no.”

“But you were so cute,” I coo, reaching to stroke his hair as a further joke, watching him squirm away from me, face flushed due to embarrassment. Ha. Teens, am I right? “No way in hell. Please do not do that,” He makes his way off of the sofa, muttering ‘please God no’ continuously under his breath. This is why I love teasing him. God, being a parent is the best when it comes to embarrassing your kids. I love it.

Emil continues muttering ‘no’ under his breath while I laugh, sinking into the sofa in stitches. He stops, realises I’m joking and shoots me a glare. “That was on purpose wasn’t it? Oh my God, you absolute dick!” (I must say, unlike other parents who absolutely outlaw swearing, I allow Emil to swear as much as he wants so long as he doesn’t use it in a harmful manner)(so he’s just joking when he calls me a dick, no harm no foul) (means I get to swear too, win win if you ask me)

“Sorry, not sorry, Em. You’re too easy to tease.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too. Oh wait,” I smirk, “You don’t do that, do you?” And a cushion gets thrown at me almost immediately, Emil shaking his head in amusement.

*

I told myself I’d clean up the attic today (something that I’ve already told myself to do umpteen times) so that’s what I was up to until I found my old yearbook. Typical me, always finding a distraction. Looking through it is a blast of memories, seeing people I didn’t even remember going to school with until now, old pictures from thirty years ago, reminding me of a simpler time. I flick the page, landing on a picture of myself, Mathias, and his brother, Berwald. Mathias, as always, is pulling a stupid face, his arm around me, crazy blond hair sticking up all over the place like he got pulled through a hedge backwards. I wonder if it still does that…

I wouldn’t know. We haven’t spoken since the incident.

And me. I’m smiling, facing my best friend who I, now, looking back on it, was hopelessly in love with. I wish I’d have realised, not that I would have done anything about it, but it would have been nice to have that knowledge before I screwed everything up between us. Rather than now, just figured out my sexuality, have no hope in contacting him, regretting everything, and just wanting my best friend back. More than anything.

_“Hey, Lukas?” Mathias whispers, rolling over to face me._

_“Yeah?” I reply, smiling as he yawns. I told him we shouldn’t have stayed up to watch that film, but he insisted. Look who’s tired now. Dumbass._

_“Can you make me a promise? If we’re both still single by the time we turn fifty, can we date? I think you’d make a pretty good boyfriend,” He mumbles, nervous. It’s so cute._

_“Why, thank you,” I grin as he flops his arm over me, snuggling close, “And sure. I’d like that. You’d make a pretty good boyfriend yourself.”_

_His smile widens, stretching its arms up to touch his cheeks, “We’d make such a power couple.”_

_“We really would. Everyone would be jealous as fuck,” I nod, brushing some falling hair out of my face._

_“Ok. It’s a deal then. I’ll hit you up if we’re both still single by then.”_

_“I’ll hold you to that.”_

Looking back on that conversation, yeah, I was crazily into him. It doesn’t change anything though. In two years Mathias and I will be fifty and I doubt I’ll be seeing anyone by then. Too difficult in my state. A middle age bisexual single father (who has been married once) to a (by that point) adult son? No one wants that. Good luck trying to find someone who wants to date the mess I am.

But even if he were single, Mathias would never fulfil his end of the promise. Not after what I did. He would never date me in a million years.

I wish I could change things between us. I don’t even care about the dating thing. I just want my best friend back. I just wish I could change things between us.

But it’s not like I can just turn up in my hometown and try fix things between us-

Wait.

That’s exactly what I could do.

It’s summer. School’s out. Emil and I don’t have any plans to go anywhere. I’m in desperate need of a holiday. And I have this week (though it’s almost over) and the next one off.

I think I’ll pay my hometown a little visit…


	2. Can we forgive and forget?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Used the song 'Glimmer' for some inspiration with this chapter and it fits quite well I think!  
> I'll attach the link at the beginning of the chapter if anyone would like a listen! :)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBV4RvSl6VM>

Lukas

_“Hi! I’m Mathias Køhler_ _! Whatcha reading?”_

_“Um,” I scramble for words, shyness creeping up on me as I watch the kid in front of me smile, a kid with wild blond hair and lots of freckles. “Just some fairytales…”_

_“That’s awesome!” He breathes, sitting down on the bench next to me, “Can I read too?” I nod and he grins more, moving closer so he can see the book._

_“I’m Lukas,” I say, causing him to meet my gaze._

_“Wow, Lukas is a really cool name! Wanna be friends?” He sticks his hand and I shake it, smiling and nodding, a warm feeling in my chest. Friends._

*

“Hey dipshit,” I say as I walk into the room, Emil’s eyes finally leaving his phone to glance up at me (texting his boyfriend I assume), “Pack your things, we’re going on holiday.” He just stares for a moment, before his eyes widen, “Are you serious? Where are we going?” I glance at the ground, and Pip Pip who’s greeting me by rubbing his head against my legs. I squat down to rub his fur, smiling as he purrs. Attention whore.

“It’s not the fanciest place in the world, but there’s something I’ve got to do. We’re going to my hometown for a week.” And am I nervous about seeing Mathias Køhler for the first time in almost thirty years? Yeah, definitely. It’s why I keep internally screaming every time he comes into my thoughts. I’m fucking terrified. I just want to yell into a void somewhere. However, I’ve already booked a room at the motel and packed my things. No turning back now.

“Seriously?” He laughs is disbelief, laying back into the black leather of the sofa “You’re taking us to where _you_ grew up. You- Mr. ‘I don’t ever want to talk about where I’m from and I never let my son know anything about myself from when I was younger’- where you grew up?”

Ok, yes, I’m pretty secretive about my background. Like a lot of parents don’t want their kids to know the shit they got up to when they were their age. And I’m not the most open person in the world, though I do try my hardest when it comes to Emil. Besides, memories from when I was younger just make me depressed, especially thinking about that goddamn crazy haired ex-best friend of mine. I do tell my son stories of before he was born, just not that.

“Yes, dumbass. Where I grew up. Come on, you need to pack- this is a very last minute and impulsive trip, ok? The car drive will be a couple of hours, and we need to leave soon.”

“We’re going now?” Emil gets up from the sofa, cocking his head to the side, “Now now? And who’s going to take care of Pip Pip?”

“Now now.” I nod, and then add, “And Pip Pip likes travel so he’s coming with us. I’ll take care of his shit if you take care of yours, ok?” My son nods at me and hurries off in the direction of the kitchen, muttering, “God- where the fuck is my phone charger?” It’s officially too late to turn back on the idea now that Emil’s on board so I go and collect Pip Pip’s things, the cat himself trailing behind me, meowing.

An hour or so later we squeeze ourselves into the car, Pip Pip in a carrier strapped in next to Emil, who whispers reassuring words to him to help deal with the initial shock. In a couple of minutes he’ll relax, besides, he has his favourite toys in there with him, so he’ll be very content soon. I switch on the radio, wrinkling my nose at the immediate pop and rap that trickles out (not really my type of music) so I fiddle with the channels, eventually settling on putting on a CD instead.

I just want to get started and get going, so I shove one of Emil’s in and press play, earning a “nice choice” from the back. It also means he won’t shove his headphones in like he does with some of my music, especially when I’m in more of a classical mood. Emil’s music taste is – how do I put it – very varied and depends purely on his mood. Sometimes I’ll walk into his room and it’ll be punk and then ten minutes later it’s pop. The only solid “no go” of his is classical music. Figures.

_‘I saw you in black and white_

_Bathed in the city light_

_Got lost in the glare_

_I couldn’t see you there_

_I couldn’t see you there_

_And I_

_Got a torch I’ve been carrying_

_Hangs heavy on a thin_

_A thin line we’re made of_

_Something we’re afraid of_

_Something we’re afraid to try’_

“You said something earlier,” Emil begins, causing me to glance back at him in the mirror, him looking at Pip Pip (who’s happy now – told you so), “You said you had something you’ve got to do. What is it?”

_‘Can we forgive and forget?_

_Can we forgive and forget?_

_Can we forgive and forget?_

_And can we lay it to rest_

_Can we catch our breath?_

_Can we catch our breath?’_

Yikes, some of those lyrics were so perfectly timed it was scary. I take a deep breath, allowing my mind to be cast back to thoughts of him. Can we forgive and forget? God, I hope so. I hope I won’t leave this more depressed than when I set out.

“I- I want to go see an old friend of mine. But there’s one catch- we didn’t exactly leave things off on a happy note when I last saw him. Pretty sure he hates me, but I want to apologise, and get confirmation of that fact.”

There’s a short burst of silence as I continue to take deep breaths, moving one of my hands off the wheel to adjust my glasses. “What did you do? Like, why does he hate you?” Emil’s voice is soft, comforting me and it’s as if he’s stretching his arms around me, giving me a big hug.

_‘I throw my head back_

_Heart under attack_

_Straight through the chest like a thunderclap_

_You can burn too bright_

_You can burn too bright to see_

_With all the lights out_

_Shadow of a doubt_

_It’s funny when you find when you go without_

_So keep the lights down low_

_Keep the lights down low to see’_

“I decided to move away after I turned eighteen, come to a large city and learn to become a doctor and-” I take a shaky breath, remembering the look on his face, the hurt, the betrayal and the anger, “I was an idiot, a jerk and a massive dick. I didn’t tell anyone about it until the day before I left. I don’t know why but I just didn’t tell anyone. And- well, my best friend and I got into a huge fight and, as always in fights, things were said.”

“We have spoken or seen each other since. And it was all my fault.”

You think I don’t remember? Don’t remember the fact that Mathias never gets angry, that he’s never usually unhappy? Don’t remember how he never raises his voice in anger? Don’t remember how he looked at me, tears falling down his face, lip trembling, that look of hurt and betrayal, like I’d stabbed him in the back? And how he followed it by shaking his head, his words sounding so tired and defeated: “Fuck off, Lukas. Just fuck off.” That moment is permanently etched into my brain, always there, those final words repeating on a loop.

I hate myself for what I did.

I don’t see why Mathias would ever forgive me. But I have to apologise nonetheless and try, just try get my best friend back.

I look back into the mirror, noting my son’s silence. He meets my indirect gaze, attention away from Pip Pip for a second, “Yeah, I have to agree that’s a pretty shitty thing to do.” But his voice is still soft, forgiving and it calms me ever so slightly. “So… you’re going to apologise?” I nod frantically, casting my eyes back to the road. “That’s good,” He muses, feeding his fingers through the slots of Pip Pip’s carrier once more so he can lick his fingers and we fall back to silence.

‘ _I see a glimmer, glimmer_

_I can see a glimmer, glimmer_

_I can see a glimmer, glimmer_

_I can see a glimmer of, glimmer of, glimmer of us’_

*

A couple of hours later, I finally spot the sign, welcoming us to the town. Hasn’t changed one bit. Still the same picture. It makes me smile, a fleeting moment before my stomach sinks again, the inevitable slowly approaching.

I don’t know where Mathias lives, I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s not still with his parents. That would be pretty insane. I could always show up there anyway, but I am also worried that the Køhler-Oxenstiernas despise the very sight of me too. Great. And I never bothered searching Mathias up on social media, I don’t know how that shit works in the slightest. Every time I ask Emil what he’s doing its another app, another thing I don’t understand how to operate. So I make do without.

We park in the motel’s parking lot, and I let Emil wander off in the direction of the town centre (which we are like, a minute away from) leaving me and Pip Pip. “So, Pip Pip, wanna go for a walk?” I ask, even though he’ll never be able to reply. Smiling slightly, I gently pick up his carrier and head off in a direction to something I hope is still there.

And it is. The massive oak tree Mathias, Berwald and I always hung out underneath. Setting Pip Pip’s carrier down onto the grass by the trunk, I smile and begin to climb the tree, like we always used to when we got bored of sitting. I glance down every so often to check on Pip Pip, make sure no one stolen him and then I climb higher and higher. This is what I needed to do to de-stress and calm myself down again. Be a kid.

Well, until my foot slips on some moss and I start falling out of the tree. Then the stress is back, and it’s back in huge waves.

Bracing myself for the impact, I curse internally at how much this is going to destroy my back. This is why you don’t climb trees in your late forties. Probably going to fucking paralyse myself. Fuck.

But the impact never arrives, only a small twinge as I fall into someone’s arms.

“Oh wow! I caught you! You ok there?” I glance up at the person, a man with blond hair and a beard, freckles scattered over his face and what people call a ‘dad-bod’. Damn, he’s cute. I’m still not used to this whole ‘finding guys cute’ thing but hot damn, he’s really fucking attractive. He’s got sort of a dorky dad vibe to him and I’m weirdly digging it. “I’m fine,” I breathe, “Thank you for catching me.” He sets me down, chuckling, looking me up and down, “Wow, I had no idea I’d catch someone so cute.” He grins whilst my eyes widen.

“Are you- are you hitting on me?” I say in bewilderment. An attractive guy might be hitting on me? Holy fuck. “I, uh, yeah I am. Sorry. I don’t even know if you’re queer, so sorry!” He was. Oh my God he was hitting on me. Holy fuck. I giggle slightly, allowing myself to smile, a strange tingling sensation blossoming in my stomach, “It’s ok! And I’m bi so you got the queer part right.”

I begin to fiddle with my hair, grinning when he grins at me. “Oh, nice! I’m pan. Um,” He glances downwards, cheeks reddening, “Would you like to go out soon?” Oh. My. God. Wow. Holy fuck. Things never used to be this easy, even when I thought I was straight. Though to be honest, I haven’t dated for ages so things might have changed. Well, besides dating apps now existing. But I never expected it to be this easy. There’s got to be a catch but I’m not going to dwell on that right now.

“I’d love to.”

He grins once more, meeting my vision again, “Awesome! I’m Mathias, by the way.” He sticks out his hand while I’m left reeling. There’s the catch. That name.

I can’t have heard him right.

“Your name is what now?” I ask in disbelief. Oh my God. The wild blond hair, the freckles. Is it- Is it really?

“Mathias. Mathias Køhler,” He cocks his head, frowning slightly, “Why?”

Mathias Køhler. Mathias Køhler is standing right in front of me. Mathias just asked me out. He has no idea that it’s me. And wow, does he look so different, I didn’t recognise him! He’s grown a beard, he’s gained a bit of weight and he’s even hotter than when he was when I last saw him.

And all this nice flirt-y stuff is going to disappear in a spilt second.

“I, uh- this is weird,” I point at my chest, sighing, “Lukas Bondevik. Long time no see, Mads.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like things are about to get real awkward next chapter, huh folks? XD
> 
> Don't really know what to add other than I just love Nor and Ice lovingly insulting each other and Pip Pip has my heart forever. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Should I really not be starting a fifth fanfic when I haven't finished the other four? Probably. But is one of them almost complete so I decided to do it anyway? Most certainly. Do I have no self control in the slightest? Definitely. 
> 
> I've had this idea for months and I finally decided to write it so here it is! I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter, I'll get the next one out soon!   
> ~Peanutsfan1


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